|
Daft Dennis burst into crowded pub,
Ashen-faced and trembling wi’ fright.
He’d just took short cut across Castle fields,
Not the best thing to do at night!
“Wotsup wi’ thee?”, asked landlord,
But Dennis just sat theer, struck dumb.
He woz gasping for breath an’ gooing purple,
They decided to loosen his tongue wi’sum rum.
“I’ve just cut across Castle fields”, stammered Dennis,
“Anna cud ‘ear summat rustling behind me, thought it worra dog.
“So, I stopped, looked and listened,
And this bloody great ghost came, loomin’ outa fog!!”
“Thazad too much to drink!”, shouted Charlie,
Tears rolling down his leg, roaring wi’ laughter,
“Tharra crafty old sod thee, Dennis!
We all know it’s a free drink as tha’ after!”
“Av not ‘ad ‘owt to drink !”, cried Daft Dennis,
“If tha dunt believe me, goo an ava look for thissen!”.
So, out they all went, pint pots in hand,
A posse of twenty-four men.
They could see it in mist, a faint apparition,
“Its her!!”, shouted Charlie, “The notorious Lady in Grey!!”,
Twenty four men started running, two towards it --- soon to join,
The twenty-two running the other way!!
Charlie was last back in and put bolt across pub door,
And gasped,” its not that I’m frittened,tha knows!”
“But, if we leave Daft Dennis in here, by hissen,
He’ll be tamperin’ wi’ dominoes!”
“We’d better get police here,” said landlord,”
“I thought ‘owd Dennis woz shooting a line,
I’ll goo up road and fetch ”Bobby” Gee’
Appen not, thinking about it, I’ll dial 999”.
“Bobby” Gee turned up on his bike and thundered,
“Whats gooin’ on here?? Whats all these broken pint pots outside??”.
They telled him worrad gone off, ghost an’allthat,
“I can’t do nowt in all this fog, I’ll have a look in morning”,he replied.
Now, Big Chick was “cock”’o’Bozer, a giant of a man,
Too dim to be frittened by ‘owt,
Stood out a mile with his knee length sideburns,
And his shocking pink teddy – boy coat.
Big Chick strode off, showing no signs of fear,
‘Cos somebody, even dimmer, had lent him a 12-bore shotgun.
There was a bang and a shriek, Big Chick belted back,
For a big bloke, he cuddent half run!.
“You lot can cummart now “, boomed Big Chick,
Banging on barricaded pub door,
“ I think I’ve shot it!”----“Wotstha mean “think” said Charlie
“Haztha shot it? Atha sure?”
Word spread like wildfire round Bozer, and, in morning,
There woz me and 200 other kids and “Bobby” Gee,
Searching for dead ghost in Castle fields, then fog lifted,
And it woz theer, for all to see!
She woz abart five feet summat tall,
And a misty,spooky shade of grey,
Wi’ great long, slender legs and black eyes,
But, all HERONS are constructed that way!
Bozer’s Lady in Grey was no more, she was gone,
At last,us kids were allowed out to play.
It ended happily for everyone,’cept heron,
Oh! And Big Chick, in handcuffs, as “Bobby” Gee took him away.
Tha might think as this tales not true,
About ghosts and shooting and inclement weather,
But, I can prove it. ’Cos I’ve still got,
What I collected that day --- a ghost’s feather!
|
|
