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I can remember fest time as I seen him,
He woz stood in middler Bozer market place.
Ringing a bell, in a great big red coat,
And whiskers orl over his face.
He’d gorra box fulla lucky bags,
Wi aniseed balls, barley twists and lickerish wood.
And he woz dishing ‘em out to orl little kids,
But, fest, he wor asking them if they’d bin good!
”Well! That’s buggered it!”, I thought to missen,
“I don’t think as I want none, anyrode”.
’Cos, mi mam had said as Santa were gi’ing me nowt,
Especially not after today’s episode!
I’d found an old spade, and I’d bin diggin’,
And I’d gorra lovely jamjar fulla worms,
I’d accidentally gennem to my little brother, and he’d ettenem,
Mi mam went mad – reckoned as they were fulla germs!
Well! How were I supposed to know?
So, I just stood there, all forlorn and sad.
Then, bus pulled up behind me,
And who should gerroff, but mi dad?
”Wots up wi thee?”, he said, “How come tha’s got no spice?”
I telled him why, and he said, “Tha must be barmy!”.
”’Cos that bloke whose ringin’ bell’s’not REAL Santa,
It’s him who bangs drum in Sally Army!!”
If it weren’t real Santa, he wunt know,
Whether I’d bin rate good or rate bad!
So, I got mi lucky bag, after all.
But I had to gi’ Penny Arrow to mi dad!!
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