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Three times a week it were Bingo night,
And me and Al had us own table darn at Welfare.
We never won nowt, burras long as thi dint run outa beer,
To be honest, we dint really care.
“Can tha see that?”, said Al, looking up,
“Arr, I can”, I said. ”Summat up on wall, near ceiling”,
“But Bingo’s starting, get ready to mark thi card,
‘Cos, tonight, wegunna win, I’ve got that feeling!
Well, tha wunt believe it, it woz a miracle!
We won three full-houses on trot,
Then, in last game afore interval,
I only wanted one number to win jackpot!
“C’mon! Pull it!”, I looked up to the sky,
And I’m sure that thing winked at me!
“There’s twenty quid gooin’ for grabs here!”
Then it came out—on its own number three!!
Well, all t’owd women woz glaring at us,
It’s a good job as looks can’t kill,
But bloke who shouted numbers had to pay us up,
And he had to goo and borrow money outa till!
I telled Al worrad happened,
And what was givin’ us all this good luck,
Next minute, he woz stood on his stool,
Poking it wi’ his pen, but it were stuck.
“Gi’o’er! Leave it alone! Lerrit stop theer!”
“I reckon as I know what this is!”
“Its worra moth or butterfly turns into,
When its asleep. ---a chrysallis!"
“It’s a big’un”, said Al. “Duz tha think its summat exotic,
That’s got smuggled in wi’ crates o’beer?”
“Hardly likely”,sez I, “From Mansfield?”,
“Still, it is a fair bit South of ‘ere”
Next morning, we toddled off to library,
Armed only wi’ rough measurements that we’d took,
To see if we could match our talisman,
Wi’ ‘owt in a “lepidoptary” book.
We found it under heading -”Very Rare”,
Unmistakeable, a Peruvian Prussian Blue.
“I’m ‘aving that bugger when it ‘atches”, said Al,
"Its got to be worth a bob or two!!"
We had a discussion, and made a decision,
That was both practical and far-ranging.
At least one of us would have to be in club every night,
To be ready if it started metarmo mesto morf, bugger it, CHANGING!
For weeks we couldn’t go wrong,we’d win every time,
Folks started to get suspicious, including, of course, the wife.
She had to follow me down to club, to see what were going on,
And what she did when she got there, shattered me and Al’s life!
Now, there’s not a lot of meat on my missus,
But she could be described as extremely tall.
And fest thing she did when she got to our table,
Was reach up and pull it off the wall!!
“How long has that been up theer”, she said,
“It could have dropped in thee ale, you should be glad as I’ve come!”
“Oh No”, said Al wi’ tears in his eyes,
“She thinks it’s a piece of bubble – gum!”.
An immediate and serious autopsy proved as she was rait,
And that our beautiful Peruvian Prussian Blue,
Was no more and no less than,
A great glob of spearmint, that stuff what idiots chew!
No more wins at Bingo now, waste of time,
We don’t even bother to take a marker pen.
But tha can rest assured, when I find where she’s purrit,
I’m gonna stick it back up aggen!!
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