|
I’d got sent ‘om from school for faitin’ aggen,
She worra mardy owd so and so, was the Head!
Burra weren’t gooin to let this other lad call me a fibber,
‘Cos it were true, Sun did shine outa mi bum, mi mam had said!
It dint shine bright all the time though,
In fact, sometimes if I woz in trouble, it went rait faint.
But mi mam had only got to tell folks, ”My lad would never do that!”,
Annit were like Bozer illuminations, tha sees, she thought as I were a Saint!
It weren’t rait noticeable unless it woz dark,
Like in Plaza for Saturday morning matinee.
Other kids kept shouting and meckin’ me sit darn,
‘Cos o’ this blinding light, blotting out Hopalong Cassidy!
Tha’d think it would be rait good on dark Winter nights,
Burrit weren’t, if tha can see worra mean.
Unless I walked backards, I couldn’t see where I was gooin’,
Burrad gorra good view of where I’d just been!
On other hand, tha knows how wet and miserable it can get in Skeggy,
Well, then it woz a different story!
They’d lay me face down in the caravan, then sit theer sunnin’ theresens,
Reflecting in all it's glory!
Well, they had me in Chesterfield Royal Hospital,
And they examined me from nine till way gone past five.
They reckoned as I weren’t contributing to Global Warming,
Burrit‘d allus be theer, as long as mi mam were alive!
To save any further embarrassment, mi mam ordered some underpants,
They were rubbery, thick and dark black.
And, for fest time in me life, I could walk around,
Without showing a luminescence from mi lower back!
They were rait! When mi mam passed away, the Sun went anorl,
And for years now I’ve learned to live without it.
But summat happened the other day that brought it all back.
Duztha know! I thought I’d forgotten all about it!
They’d come to fetch grandaughter back, worra day we’d had!
A squeeze and a hug, then a blown kiss as I shut the car door.
And then I looked behind me! I couldn’t believe it !
The power of a thousand candles, shining down on to the floor!
There was no doubt about it, it had come back,
That old familiar, warm, tingling feeling in mi bum!
Now, I’m desperately lookin’ through old catalogues,
To see where mi mam had got those underpants from!!
|
