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Duztha know? I’m wasted I am!
‘Cos I’ve just cummup wi’ a rait cunnin’ plan!
How to produce, for next to nowt,
The most powerful chemical known to man!
Proved to be one hundred and fifty-eight times stronger than carbolic soap,
Yet delicate enough to wipe away the softest tears,
But as rough and abrasive as an ‘owd Brillo pad,
When cleanin’ behind a small boy’s ears!
For polishing mirrors, or gerrin’ stains off a tea-spoon,
Or, stemmin’ flow of blood when tha’s tippled and grazed thi knee,
For tekkin’ pain away when tha’s nettled thissen,
A miracle of Nature, a medical cure-all, and, best of all, it’s free!!
Tha can forget abart that stuff wot "kills 99% of household germs”,
And washpowder that gets thi clothes “Whiter than white”,
I’ve even thought up a rait good name for it,
“Magic Mamspit”, it ‘ll beat ‘em all out of sight!
All I need is millions of hankies and a bit of a factory,
And loads and loads of mams to pop in for the day,
To suck the corners and purrem in envelopes, like Baby Wipes,
That’s it! We’re in business. We’re away!
We could have an industrial strength section, tha knows,
For gerrin’ tractors and tanks and such, cleaner than ever before.
Instead of using hankies, we could use dish cloths,
And, for real heavy duty stuff, bottom of an owd pinafore!
I can’t think of any reason why it waint work, Magic Mamspit,
I suppose all we can do is wait and see,
Burrif, this time next year, somebody waves to thee from a big Rolls Royce,
Look twice, cossit might be me!
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