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Once again, you may think this tale is untrue. But, many centuries ago, when the original Viking invaders settled, they had many a word to describe monsters or demons, and they all ended with the letters “oll”.
e.g. Kroll and troll etc.
This phenomenon was known as the “Night of the Bolls”
So, the morning after the full Moon, just as the Sun was rising, the chief elder would go round the village, getting the men out of hiding, by shouting, ”The Boll’s ovver! You can come out now! Boll’s ovver!!”.
And, that’s how Bozer gorrits name!!!
I’ve gorrit chained up to mangle,
Well, it’s the only safe place.
Luminous, crimson, blood-shot eyes,
Staring, ominously into outer space!
The bristles on the back of it’s neck ,
Stuck out like chapel hat-pegs.
Veins like throbbing garden hose-pipes,
Pulsating in it’s temples, arms and legs.
Saliva from it’s razor-sharp, yellow fangs,
Forms a gooey mess on the cold, concrete floor,
Bitsa wood and stuff orlovver the place,
Where it’s bin gnawing at the wash-house door!
Just a few hours ago, this monster,
Would have fainted if it’d seen a mouse.
But this is the twenty-eighth night in Bozer,
There’s a howling Beast in every house!
This afternoon they were all as happy as Larry,
Donkey-stoning steps to their front door,
But, when sun goes darn and one of ‘em starts scratchin’,
Soon they’re all at it, the place is in uproar!
If we don’t catch’em afore they all “turn”,
The “Cross Keys” is only safe place to be,
They’ll not come in theer, we’ve stashed loadsa tapes of football,
And play’em non-stop on big-screen TV!
It’s not very nice for blokes, tha knows,
Having to sit in a pub all night, shakin’ wi’ fear,
Playing darts and dominoes, eating sandwiches,
And supping pint after pint of “nasty” beer.
Wi’ Bozer been so high up,
It’s closer to the Moon’s gravitational pull,
And, wi’ women having much smaller brains,
This is wot happens every month when it’s full.
So, if tha’s ever struggled up Bozer Hill in dark,
Wi’ thi’ engine steaming when tha’s got to top,
And all blokes are runnin’ abart like headless chickens,
Worrever tha duz ---put thi foot darn ---DON’T STOP !!!
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