|
Allus double-dig a trench for thi tayters,
And pull every muscle in thi back.
A week off work’ll put it rait, loadsa hot baths,
And a good rubbin’ wi’ Fiery Jack.
Don’t waste money on them fancy bags’a compost,
Borra a barra and cadge fresh, proper stuff from local farms.
Mix it up well – and have a fortnit on “club”’
While doctor tries to cure nasty rash on thi ‘ands and thi arms
Start everything off in a heated greenhouse,
It’ll guarantee as tha gets some good early blooms.
Don’t buy paraffin, pinch some red diesel outa fork truck at work,
Then have another week off, when tha’s bin ovvercum by fumes!
Try NOT to stick garden fork through thi foot,
Its silly and painful, but rather an easy thing to do.
When tha getsarta ‘ospital, and ready to try walkin’ aggen,
Tha’ll find as meths is best thing for getting bloodstains off thi shoe.
If tha gets fed uppa feeding snails and slugs,
And think,”Bugger this for self-sufficiency”,
There’s always another route available,
Its gorra proper name – its called Plan “B”.
Look in Yellow Pages and order thissen,
Fifteen cubic metres of ready-mixed concrete,
Spread it round garden, abart 4 inches thick,
Stick in some plastic poppies afore its gone off, job complete!
|
