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There’s only ever one person in World,
Who thinks Sun shines out of your bum.
But she allus thinks as tha hungry’
Of course,its dear old mum.
Whatever time you visit them,
They’ve got this fixation,
That some time, in near future,
Tha gunna collapse wi’ starvation.
“What’s that tha’s got for thi dinner, “r”John?”
“5 bean salad --- I’m trying to lose some weight”.
“Well, I’ll do thee some bread and best butter,
And purrit at side o’ thi’ plate!”
Next time I went, she was baking,
“Who’s teld thee tha wor gerrin’fat?
I’ve saved thee biggest scone,
It’ll go down nice wi’ some bread and butter, will that!”
Week after, I’d called in at chippy.
I’d etten too much, by far.
“Well – I’ll butter you two slices of bread’
Tha can eat ‘em on thi way ‘om, in car!”
Next week, I telled her a fib,
Reckoned I’d got in- digest- ion.
“I’ve been to chemist for some tablets”.
“Do you want bread and butter wi’ them, ‘r’ John?".
Mam. I shunt say this, but when,
Tha’s shuffled this mortal coil, and tha dead.
I’m not putting thi’ name on thi’ headstone,
Just three pictures- a knife, some butter and two slices o’ bread!!
Then, when its my turn at them Pearly Gates,
I know I’m gunner hear thee say,
“A couple of slices of bread and best butter,’r’ John?
Just to see thee on thi’ way?”
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