|
HERE IS THE NEWS FROM RADIO SHEFFIELD 7 ---
MAY 26TH 2024
READ BY TOBY FOSTER M.B.E.
EUROPE-
In reply to a question,
About a date when the “Euro” referendum will be set.
His Royal Highness, Emperor Blair, stated,
“When all five economic conditions have been met”.
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION-
In a bid to stop non-English speaking people
Entering this country, once and for all.
Home Secretary, Sir Bernard Manning,
Has put forward proposals to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall.
IN COURT-
At the Old Bailey, pandemonium and riots broke out.
The leniency of the judge had grown men in tears,
As the man found guilty of inventing “speed humps”.
Was only sentenced to 45 years.
MOTORING-
Motor vehicle insurance premiums look set to fall again!
A spokesman stated that, last year, they only had one claim.
Quote; "Since women were banned from driving,
The insurance industry has never been the same!”
PRISONS-
Womens’ prisons are “full to bursting”,
Since “nagging” was made against the law.
The Lord Jack Duckworth Committee has concluded,
“The solution is easy! We’ll just have to build a lot more!”
IN THE CITY—
Sheffield’s traffic wardens were up in arms yesterday,
As the new law put their futures in doubt.
Free parking, anywhere, anytime,
And all the double yellow lines painted out!
THE N.H.S.—
Doctor’s waiting rooms have become a thing of the past,
Thanks to the new appointments system, designed to beat stress.
Starting this week, the doctor will visit you at home,
Initial reports say it is a huge success.
FOOTBALL--- EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE----
A delegation from Man Utd, Arsenal, Real Madrid and Barcelona,
Chaired by the Presidents of Spain, Italy and France,
Have asked Chesterfield, winners for the last six seasons,
If they can field a reserve team, just to give the others a chance!
STAYING WITH FOOTBALL----
In the 6th Division of the Hallamshire Sunday League.
Sheffield Wednesday chairman, Ken Bates, says, "The future looks good!”
After appointing Sir Bobby Robson as new manager,
He said, "This is just what this club needs, young blood!”
THE ARTS----
An anonymous North Derbyshire amateur poet,
Has, once again, been voted “The Sexiest Man in Britain”.
It is reported that Steven Spielberg is keen to direct a film,
Based on the poems he has written.
AND – FINALLY—
At the recently re-named Sheffield - Doncaster Rony Robbo (37) International Airport.
Aviation history was made today,
As thousands gathered to watch the pigs,
As they revved up and took off from their own private runway.
NOW –THE WEATHER WITH ANTONIONI-ONI –ONI-ONI WHATSIT
|
